If your family is anything like mine, your childhood Christmas memories strongly revolve around your parent’s weird Christmas ornaments. There was the long skinny elf, the scary looking bird, the strange childhood drawing, and a clay object you made in Grade two that was supposed to be Santa, just to name a few. When you think back on Christmas with your family, these wacky tree ornaments will always be a part of your memories.
It is time for you to start building your own Christmas memories now, beginning with your own zany Christmas tree decorations. And Retro Festive is here to help with this handy, helpful list of 10 Wacky Retro Festive Ornaments.
Gnome Hockey Players
Armies of gnome hockey players are guaranteed to make even the most die-hard hockey fan scratch his or her head. We have gnome Habs, and gnome Bruins, and gnome Flames, and gnome Leafs, and gnome Oilers, and many more! They all play hockey. They are all adorable. They are all kind of strange. They are perfect for die-hard hockey fans.
A Yodeling Christmas Pickle
Once upon a time there was a Christmas pickle in Germany that brought the locals a year of good luck! Now you can hang one on your tree. Not only will it bring luck, but it also yodels, and has a motion detector. This prevents any of your guests from stealing gifts! Hang a bunch and create a yodeling pickle choir and invite your guests to sing along.
Sadly, very few people have heard this tale, but we don’t care, we love yodeling pickles, and so should you.
Cthulhu
Want to tip the happiness scale a bit, and add a little darkness to your tree? Impress your nerdy friends? Hang this weird mythical god from another dimension front and centre! Instead of “Joy to the World”, Cthulhu conveys the message “Destroy the World” and represents all chaos and destruction in the universe. To balance things out a bit, he does wear a cute Santa hat!
Elvis
Who doesn’t love Elvis? Whenever we think of him, grandmother’s basements, retro video games, ping-pong tables, and old record players come to mind. Why not hang a glittering, dancing Elvis on your tree and bring back the golden olden days! Your grandma will be so proud!
Santaur
Santaur is a bare-chested, half-horse who brings presents to children all over the world! And he doesn’t need reindeer to do it. He is tough, he is ripped, and he doesn’t wear a shirt – just a cute pair of boxing gloves and a Santa hat. Be warned, you might fall in love – he is powerful, he is protective, and he is strong!
Lederhosen Unicorn
This Unicorn stands tall and proud in his pink lederhosen. If you’re wondering why there’s a unicorn wearing lederhosen – c’mon – if you looked that good in pink lederhosen, you’d wear it too. It’s an awesome combination of the best mystical animal to ever grace our imaginations, with Germany’s most traditional costume! (who knew the Germans could be so festive!) Lederhosen are sported during Germany’s famous Oktoberfest celebrations. So hang one on your tree, grab some beers and enjoy!
Bacon
We love bacon. You love bacon. So why not feature the most decked out Bacon Christmas ornament of all time on your tree! This little guy sparkles with glittery meat, and shiny metallic fat! Not only can you place him on your Christmas tree, but you can also wear him around your neck, or hang him on your rearview mirror all year round.
Krampus
If you haven’t heard of Krampus, he is this fun little guy who is considered the anti-clause of Europe. He goes around kidnapping and punishing naughty little boys and girls. We won’t go into all of the gory details, but let’s just say you don’t want to be a bad kid on Christmas in Continental Europe!
Mr. Potato Head
It’s probably time to bring some cheer to your tree! In full Christmas gear, with a Santa outfit and a bag of gifts, Mr. Potato Head can be the perfect contrast to all of the weird demons and creepy anti-clause ornaments on your tree. (He also might be a bit scared, poor guy.)
Mustache
Just because Movember is over doesn’t mean the ‘mo has to go! There is nothing weirder than a dismembered mustache, and hanging it on your tree is even weirder. This will also add a level of abstraction to your tree that any postmodern artist would be proud of.
Retro Festive loves holiday tradition, but we love to shake things up as well! Check out the rest of our wacky Christmas ornaments here.
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