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Frosty the Snowman – Then and Now

For anyone who loves Christmas and has a television – Christmas movies and TV specials are a must! It was a tradition with my family to decorate the tree and watch a whole slew of holiday specials. My favourites were Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Home Alone; as I got a bit older, The Santa Clause and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation; and in recent years, I added Elf to that list. However, Frosty the Snowman was not a part of the catalog.

Don’t get me wrong; I’d still watch it. Frosty was often in the middle of a Christmas Special marathon, sandwiched between Rudolph and the Grinch. But as I got older, I’d start leaving the living room for a half hour to help in the kitchen, or quite literally, just sit in my room doing nothing until it was over.

Sounds terrible, right? It was! I was a kid – I didn’t know any better!

It was only in the past few years that I decided to revisit this Christmas classic . . . and what was little me thinking?! It’s great! That’s why I decided to pull together my new favourite quotes from Frosty the Snowman!

Here are my Top Five quotes (that I should have appreciated more 20 years ago) from Frosty the Snowman:


Professor Hinkle: I must get that hat back! Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!

“Think nasty!” What a great motto for a bad guy!


Frosty: Are you coming to the North Pole, too?
Karen: I’m sure my mother won’t mind, as long as I’m home in time for supper.

My mom has the same rule for me.


Frosty: I mean – I can make words. I can move… I can juggle… I can sweep… and I can count to ten. One, two, three, four, five, nine, six, eight… Well, I can count to five.

That’s just cute. Counting is hard! Especially when you have a different number of fingers on each hand.


Professor Hinkle: We evil magicians have to make a living, too.

Just straight up facts.



So there you have it! My Top Five (new) favourite quotes from Frosty the Snowman. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head over to Retro Festive and show my love for all things Frosty!



A Very Offbeat Christmas – Part 3: The Simpsons Christmas

A Very Offbeat Christmas – Christmas TV Specials in Three Parts
Part 3: The Simpsons Christmas

They swear, they fart, they make poop jokes, and they teach us the spirit of Christmas. Wait – what was that last one? We’ve looked into South Park and Family Guy, but now let’s take a look at the family who started it all: The Simpsons.


Even the most hardcore South Park and Family Guy fans will tell you that it all started with The Simpsons. And the biggest Simpsons fans will tell you that it all started with a Christmas special . . . however it wasn’t supposed to be that way. The Simpsons was originally supposed to air a couple weeks earlier, with another episode. However, when the airdate was pushed back, they changed their pilot episode to “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire.” And with that, the longest-running American animated series, and a new Christmas tradition, were born.

Here’s a look at some of our favourite moments from that first episode:

Bart: Oh please, there’s only one fat guy who brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa.’


Marge: Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness, our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven but we bought a new little cat Snowball 2 so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on Grampa is still with us feisty as ever, Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A’s, and Bart . . . well we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.

Bart: Come on, Dad, if TV has taught me anything, it’s that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it’s gonna happen to us.

Bart: Can we keep him, Dad? Please?
Homer: But he’s a loser. He’s pathetic. He’s…
(Santa’s Little Helper kisses his face)
Homer: A Simpson.

On December 17, 1989, we welcomed The Simpsons into our homes and hearts, so it’s about time we welcome them onto our trees too!



A Very Offbeat Christmas – Part 2: A Family Guy Christmas

A Very Offbeat Christmas – Christmas TV Specials in Three Parts
Part 2: A Family Guy Christmas

They swear, they fart, they make poop jokes, and they teach us the spirit of Christmas. Wait – what was that last one? We’ve looked into South Park and will soon visit The Simpsons, but let’s take a look at the show that never fails to make our jaws drop: Family Guy.

On December 21, 2001 Family Guy aired it’s first and obviously obnoxiously offensive Christmas Special called “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas.”

Here are five examples of how the Christmas episode is crudely funny:


Peter Griffin: [as a salesman unplugs a display TV] Hey! I was watching that.
Salesman: It’ll be on next Christmas.
Peter Griffin: Who the hell knows when that’s gonna be?

KISS Saves Christmas!

# 2.

Peter Griffin: Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up!

# 3:

Mall Santa: Ho ho ho! And what can I bring you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, a peace offering, is it? Very well… What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?
Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm?
Stewie Griffin: Your inquiry intrigues me. Can any of us be a ‘good boy?’ Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid.
Stewie Griffin: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be… “nice”


Brian Griffin: Seriously, who buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter Griffin: I’ll tell you who: someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his entire family into serious danger, that’s who.

And, of course, Peter Griffin’s favourite Christmas special, “KISS Saves Santa:”



Since KISS did save Santa, the big guy will be able to put presents under your tree . . . which will obviously be decorated with these fancy ornaments:

Gene Simmons ornament available at Retro Festive!


Family Guy ornaments available at Retro Festive!



A Very Offbeat Christmas – Part 1: A South Park Christmas

A Very Offbeat Christmas – Christmas TV Specials in Three Parts
Part 1: A South Park Christmas

They swear, they fart, they make poop jokes, and they teach us the spirit of Christmas. Wait – what was that last one? This is a three-part look at some of our favourite and most offensive Christmas Specials. We’ll look into some heart-warming, hilarious (and horrible) moments that have been brought to us by Family Guy and The Simpsons, but first – let’s visit the quiet town of South Park!

When you’re thinking of all your favourite Christmas carols, of course Jingle Bells, Here Comes Santa Claus, and even Carol of the Bells comes to mind; but what about all of the South Park Christmas carols? With such a variety to choose from, carols like Merry F*%king Christmas, Christmastime in Hell, and Mr. Hankey (the Christmas Poo) will surely take a place in the (offensive) Christmas Carol history books!

There’s something absolutely charming about how Cartman so passionately sings O Holy Night, despite not knowing the words.

Although, this is not one of South Park’s more offensive tunes, it’s quite noteworthy that they can make us laugh at a child cattle-prodding another child.

Picking up the offensive-metre ever so slightly, South Park brings us Santa Claus and Jesus Christ singing traditional carols together. (Warning: slightly offensive language . . . and sacrilege).

Click the picture to watch Jesus and Santa’s duet!

While the carols that come out of South Park get much MUCH more offensive than that, (see aforementioned list above) they have a knack for taking our favourite carols and putting their South Park twist on them.

Click to see Mr. Mackey’s version of Carol of the Bells!

So, now you know what to listen to while you decorate your tree with your brand new South Park ornaments.

South Park ornaments available at Retro Festive

. . .while decked out to look like a very astute Cartman.

Retro Festive can make you as dapper as Cartman!


10 Wacky Retro Festive Christmas Ornaments

If your family is anything like mine, your childhood Christmas memories strongly revolve around your parent’s weird Christmas ornaments. There was the long skinny elf, the scary looking bird, the strange childhood drawing, and a clay object you made in Grade two that was supposed to be Santa, just to name a few. When you think back on Christmas with your family, these wacky tree ornaments will always be a part of your memories.

It is time for you to start building your own Christmas memories now, beginning with your own zany Christmas tree decorations. And Retro Festive is here to help with this handy, helpful list of 10 Wacky Retro Festive Ornaments.

Gnome Hockey Players

Armies of gnome hockey players are guaranteed to make even the most die-hard hockey fan scratch his or her head. We have gnome Habs, and gnome Bruins, and gnome Flames, and gnome Leafs, and gnome Oilers, and many more! They all play hockey. They are all adorable. They are all kind of strange. They are perfect for die-hard hockey fans.

A Yodeling Christmas Pickle

Once upon a time there was a Christmas pickle in Germany that brought the locals a year of good luck! Now you can hang one on your tree. Not only will it bring luck, but it also yodels, and has a motion detector. This prevents any of your guests from stealing gifts! Hang a bunch and create a yodeling pickle choir and invite your guests to sing along.

Sadly, very few people have heard this tale, but we don’t care, we love yodeling pickles, and so should you.


Want to tip the happiness scale a bit, and add a little darkness to your tree? Impress your nerdy friends? Hang this weird mythical god from another dimension front and centre! Instead of “Joy to the World”, Cthulhu conveys the message “Destroy the World” and represents all chaos and destruction in the universe. To balance things out a bit, he does wear a cute Santa hat!



Who doesn’t love Elvis? Whenever we think of him, grandmother’s basements, retro video games, ping-pong tables, and old record players come to mind. Why not hang a glittering, dancing Elvis on your tree and bring back the golden olden days! Your grandma will be so proud!


Santaur is a bare-chested, half-horse who brings presents to children all over the world! And he doesn’t need reindeer to do it. He is tough, he is ripped, and he doesn’t wear a shirt – just a cute pair of boxing gloves and a Santa hat. Be warned, you might fall in love – he is powerful, he is protective, and he is strong!


Lederhosen Unicorn

This Unicorn stands tall and proud in his pink lederhosen. If you’re wondering why there’s a unicorn wearing lederhosen – c’mon – if you looked that good in pink lederhosen, you’d wear it too. It’s an awesome combination of the best mystical animal to ever grace our imaginations, with Germany’s most traditional costume! (who knew the Germans could be so festive!) Lederhosen are sported during Germany’s famous Oktoberfest celebrations. So hang one on your tree, grab some beers and enjoy!



We love bacon. You love bacon. So why not feature the most decked out Bacon Christmas ornament of all time on your tree! This little guy sparkles with glittery meat, and shiny metallic fat! Not only can you place him on your Christmas tree, but you can also wear him around your neck, or hang him on your rearview mirror all year round.




If you haven’t heard of Krampus, he is this fun little guy who is considered the anti-clause of Europe. He goes around kidnapping and punishing naughty little boys and girls. We won’t go into all of the gory details, but let’s just say you don’t want to be a bad kid on Christmas in Continental Europe!


Mr. Potato Head

It’s probably time to bring some cheer to your tree! In full Christmas gear, with a Santa outfit and a bag of gifts, Mr. Potato Head can be the perfect contrast to all of the weird demons and creepy anti-clause ornaments on your tree. (He also might be a bit scared, poor guy.)



Just because Movember is over doesn’t mean the ‘mo has to go! There is nothing weirder than a dismembered mustache, and hanging it on your tree is even weirder. This will also add a level of abstraction to your tree that any postmodern artist would be proud of.

Retro Festive loves holiday tradition, but we love to shake things up as well! Check out the rest of our wacky Christmas ornaments here.