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Tag Archives: the simpsons

Hockey Sweaters and The Holidays

Hockey is important to many Canadians. We throw on our hockey sweater and tune in weekly to watch our favourite teams whether they delight or disappoint us. I have always found the holidays are a great time to experience our national sport, while spending time with family.

hockey sweater

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was growing up my entire family would come together in the common room of the Legion Manor, where my grandparents lived in Prince Edward County. The men would eat cashews and talk shop, the women would prepare a giant meal, and the kids would run wildly without consequence, having been allowed to eat more treats in one afternoon than they had all year.

After dinner we would all end up watching hockey together. Sometimes it was the last regular season games of the year, sometimes it was preliminary rounds of the World Juniors, but they all brought us together. It was a time of rest for the weary, a source of entertainment for the socially awkward, and a trial of anticipation for the die-hard fans – especially those with Pro-Line tickets.

hockey sweater santa
Santa gives the Leafs a piece of his mind. Photo by John C Whitehead

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We would often exchange gifts while watching the game as well, where memorabilia such a hockey sweater, t-shirt, gloves, coffee mug, hat and scarf where given, which were exclusively branded with the Toronto Maple Leafs logo. If you were given something with the Montreal Canadiens on it, you knew you were the butt of a joke.

This was years before the Ugly Christmas Sweater craze, but the NHL Ugly Christmas sweaters and slippers that are available these days would have been gratefully accepted back at the Legion Manor.

hockey sweater

 

hockey sweaterThe great thing about giving hockey-related gifts at Christmas is that they really are a gift that keeps on giving.

You can wear your NHL Ugly Christmas gear while watching the rest of the
World Junior Championships, or the Winter Classic on New Years Day, and for the rest of the regular season.

 

 

 

Since Santa cannot bring the Stanley Cup to the Toronto Maple Leafs, no matter how good they’ve been, it’s best to take comfort in the fact that hockey is a wonderful holiday tradition we can all enjoy!

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A Very Offbeat Christmas – Part 2: A Family Guy Christmas

A Very Offbeat Christmas – Christmas TV Specials in Three Parts
Part 2: A Family Guy Christmas

They swear, they fart, they make poop jokes, and they teach us the spirit of Christmas. Wait – what was that last one? We’ve looked into South Park and will soon visit The Simpsons, but let’s take a look at the show that never fails to make our jaws drop: Family Guy.

On December 21, 2001 Family Guy aired it’s first and obviously obnoxiously offensive Christmas Special called “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas.”

Here are five examples of how the Christmas episode is crudely funny:

#1.

Peter Griffin: [as a salesman unplugs a display TV] Hey! I was watching that.
Salesman: It’ll be on next Christmas.
Peter Griffin: Who the hell knows when that’s gonna be?

KISS Saves Christmas!

# 2.

Peter Griffin: Merry Christmas to all, and to all, shut the hell up!

# 3:

Mall Santa: Ho ho ho! And what can I bring you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, a peace offering, is it? Very well… What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?
Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm?
Stewie Griffin: Your inquiry intrigues me. Can any of us be a ‘good boy?’ Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid.
Stewie Griffin: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be… “nice”

#4:

Brian Griffin: Seriously, who buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter Griffin: I’ll tell you who: someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his entire family into serious danger, that’s who.

And, of course, Peter Griffin’s favourite Christmas special, “KISS Saves Santa:”

#5:

 

Since KISS did save Santa, the big guy will be able to put presents under your tree . . . which will obviously be decorated with these fancy ornaments:

Gene Simmons ornament available at Retro Festive!

 

Family Guy ornaments available at Retro Festive!

 

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A Very Offbeat Christmas – Part 1: A South Park Christmas

A Very Offbeat Christmas – Christmas TV Specials in Three Parts
Part 1: A South Park Christmas

They swear, they fart, they make poop jokes, and they teach us the spirit of Christmas. Wait – what was that last one? This is a three-part look at some of our favourite and most offensive Christmas Specials. We’ll look into some heart-warming, hilarious (and horrible) moments that have been brought to us by Family Guy and The Simpsons, but first – let’s visit the quiet town of South Park!

When you’re thinking of all your favourite Christmas carols, of course Jingle Bells, Here Comes Santa Claus, and even Carol of the Bells comes to mind; but what about all of the South Park Christmas carols? With such a variety to choose from, carols like Merry F*%king Christmas, Christmastime in Hell, and Mr. Hankey (the Christmas Poo) will surely take a place in the (offensive) Christmas Carol history books!

There’s something absolutely charming about how Cartman so passionately sings O Holy Night, despite not knowing the words.

Although, this is not one of South Park’s more offensive tunes, it’s quite noteworthy that they can make us laugh at a child cattle-prodding another child.

Picking up the offensive-metre ever so slightly, South Park brings us Santa Claus and Jesus Christ singing traditional carols together. (Warning: slightly offensive language . . . and sacrilege).

Click the picture to watch Jesus and Santa’s duet!

While the carols that come out of South Park get much MUCH more offensive than that, (see aforementioned list above) they have a knack for taking our favourite carols and putting their South Park twist on them.

Click to see Mr. Mackey’s version of Carol of the Bells!

So, now you know what to listen to while you decorate your tree with your brand new South Park ornaments.

South Park ornaments available at Retro Festive

. . .while decked out to look like a very astute Cartman.

Retro Festive can make you as dapper as Cartman!

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